Indubitably, the moustachioed maestro has traversed the Mushroom Kingdom (and beyond) several times over his prestigious career, sans hammer. How, prithee, did he ever rescue the stricken princess without it? This skull-clefting, rudimentary ravager is carefully meted out to ensure only the most fleeting of appearances. There?d be no sport in his Goomba-genocide antics otherwise, I?d venture. It?d be like shooting anthropomorphic moron-turtles in a barrel.
The hammer made its inaugural appearance alongside Mario himself. In the archaic days of Donkey Kong, wherein he had only the feeble moniker Jumpman, it could be collected to unleash inexorable smashy fury upon all those feeble aggressors who dare to oppose him. At this juncture, he was largely opposed only by? innocuous wooden barrels, but we shan?t be pernickety. He could merely leap over them. Perhaps also raising a middle finger as he does so, at their piteous attempt to obstruct his progress (in my experience, this was the cue for a barrel to take an unforeseen detour down one of the ladders and savage you right in the delicate face). A display of formidable force was necessary, as a warning to the great ape and rebel bands of large wooden objects everywhere (the wardrobe secret police are particularly feared).
Source: www.cybernetresources.com
It is in Mario?s spin-off franchises that contemporary hammertime is still unleashed. In the Paper Mario and Mario and Luigi titles, for instance, both battling brothers brandish the weapon. It is their primary means of dispatching anything that evolution has seen fit to endow with a whacking great spike on its head (a higher power?s vain attempt to curtail the culls of Mushroom Kingdom species that Mario causes whenever he goes on one of his jolly romps, perchance? The man can scarcely take Peach/Toad/assorted freaks for a picnic without punching a whole family of Koopa Troopas in the face).
The moral of this tale? Crushing craniums ?neath your sewer-faeces-stained plumber boots is not the answer to everything. Anybody that has wielded the indomitable fury of the Golden Hammer in Super Smash Bros Brawl can attest to that.
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